giving thanks

Eight years ago today, Stephen asked me to be his wife. Oh, how I love this man. He “gets” me and loves me anyway. Can you imagine that? I’m so hugely proud of him…of who he was when I was a messed up 14 year old girl, for who he is now as my husband and Kate, Sam, and Benjamin’s daddy, and for who he is still becoming. It gives me so much joy and comfort to think that I get to grow old with this man.

I’m so thankful for my husband.

Five years ago this past Monday, I was handed a devastating diagnosis—a potentially fatal heart condition that would prohibit future pregnancies. I sat weeping in the back bedroom as the doctor explained everything over the phone. Stephen held me in his arms—the crumpled mess that I was—and then, without warning or time to prepare, we walked into what has been the darkest, scariest time of our lives.

And, yet, I’m so thankful for that diagnosis. I now so clearly see God’s gentle hand in the midst of all that fear. PPCM made clear just what kind of mom I wanted—needed—to be. It caused me to hold my precious baby girl even closer, to memorize the feel of her tiny face pressed against mine and the rise and fall of her chest as she slept in my arms. It taught me the value of cherishing, guarding, and respecting the moment—the here and now that we’ve been given right here and right now. It introduced me to the fighter within me (one tough cookie, if I do say so myself). Above all else, it taught me that God loves me. He purposes everything—even the darkness— for His glory and my good.

Yes, I’m thankful for the darkness.

Three years ago this week, my beautiful Sam was born. The baby who, doctors warned, would cause my heart to grow too much. They were right about that. This sweet boy, prone to tantrums one second and fits of laughter the next, may just cause this heart of mine to burst. He is so precocious, so funny, so sensitive. Samuel is walking, talking, laughing (noisy?) proof of God’s goodness and grace.

I’m thankful for my Samuel who reminds me every day that, yes, “God heard my prayer.”

Today, Benjamin is sprouting four new teeth (four!), Kate is playing with her Barbie dolls, and Sam is scouring the kitchen for a “nack” (snack). I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that Stephen has found a comfy couch and is enjoying a well-deserved, much needed mid-morning nap. We are well. We are happy. We are blessed.

I’m so thankful for my family.

fb meets the blog

Okay, I know there aren't any good excuses for going so terribly long without updating the blog. However, let me just say that it's tough to meet all of my online obligations. First there's work, then there's browsing the news, then there's hunting for bargains on craigslist, and then there's facebook. I resisted for as long as I could. I even poked fun (lovingly, of course) at my friends who were on facebook. And then, in a moment of weakness, I caved. I've been updating my status ever since. I know it's completely ridiculous, but what I can I say?
So tonight I've decided to merge my two online loves. Here's a sampling of my status updates over the last few months. Together, they pretty much sum up life here in the Burton home.

• My 2 y.o. this morning: Mommy, why do we have to get out the boat?
  Me: Not the boat, baby, the vote.

• 2 y.o. dressed himself today. He was so proud; I didn't have the heart to change anything. So....Woody and Buzz underwear have been on backwards all day long. I love it!

• My almost-3-y.o just woke up in hysterics from a bad dream, and I held him until he fell back asleep. I can't remember the last time I rocked that beautiful boy to sleep, and I soaked up every tiny detail. Oh, my sweet boy. I love him too much.

• Sam cut his hair, poured cereal in the middle of the living room floor, peed on the carpet upstairs, ate the baby's teething tables (harmless, btw), wrote with a marker on the kitchen wall, poured soap all over the porch, turned the trash can upside down and climbed on top of it, and threw peas at his daddy at dinner. ...All in one day. All with that adorable smile on his face. I'm in way over my head.

• Just so you know, according to Poison Control of GA, a 27 lb. 2 1/2 y.o. can eat 7-10 vitamin gummies with no serious side effects. Oh my word...

• Ever wonder how many silly bands it would take to stop up a toilet? We're about to find out.

• ‎4 y.o. noticed a woman's cleavage yesterday. I did my best to explain it and thought I did a pretty good job. But then she asked "Does she keep food in there?". I'm still laughing :)

• I had to discipline my 2 y.o. for saying "no" and walking away when I asked him to hand over the book I'm reading, "The Strong-Willed Child."

• This morning, Kate brings me a cereal box while I'm drinking my coffee in the living room. "What is this for?" I asked. "So you can make me some cereal, silly goose! Happy Mudder's Day!"

• ‎"I am especially sympathetic with the mother who is raising a toddler or two and an infant at the same time. There is no more difficult assignment on the face of the earth." Thank you, Dr. Dobson. I was starting to wonder if it was just me.

• ‎It’s 2 hours past bedtime and I'm sitting outside S's room listening to him pull out and play with who knows what. That boy is a mess.

• I love, love, love a baby sleeping in my arms. A little sad that he's my last :(

• ‎4 y.o. this morning talking to her brothers: "In your area there will be thunderstorms and tornadoes."

• Kate tonight at bedtime: "Soooo....whose belly did God come out of exactly?"

hey stranger

It’s Saturday. My husband is in the basement gathering up all of our recyclables, my “bigguns” are speeding around on their plasma cars, and sweet Benjamin is sleeping soundly upstairs. Where does that leave me? With a moment or two to update the blog. My long-neglected, poor, pitiful blog. In all of the craziness of the last 6-9 months, two things have taken major hits—my hair color and the Burp Cloth. I intend to make amends for both this afternoon.

Why so crazy? Well, because God answers prayers. Five years ago, I pleaded with God to allow me to have more children. He answered that prayer, and I’m now stepping over kiddos. They are everywhere. Then I asked God to bless me with a part-time job—something from home—that would take some of the burden off of my husband. Again, God answered my prayer, and I soon found myself working 50+ hours a week from my kitchen table.

It’s been an adjustment, and I’m constantly—constantly—reevaluating my priorities. Not that I’m not sure what they are—or what they should be. I’ve just learned that it doesn’t take much to knock things off balance and that there are certain things I have to vigilantly protect. I’m also learning to let go of my perfectionism. It’s about time, right? I mean, c’mon, I’m not very good at being perfect. Downright lousy at it, honestly. So why not hang it up and adopt a new standard – goodenoughism. I’m pretty good at good enough.

Something else I’ve been thinking of hanging up lately is this notion of our dream home. We are blessed – no doubt about it. But it’s too easy to look around our home and focus on all the imperfections and to compare our stuff to other people’s stuff. And then I go nuts. I make lists. I plan trips to Lowes and HomeGoods. I start stalking my favorite home décor websites. And I waste colossal amounts of time. What if rather than focusing on our dream home, I focused on our dream life instead. It’s SO liberating, and it has changed my perspective from discontentment and wanting to contentment and gratitude. I am thousands of dollars away from our dream home. But, our dream life…I think we might just be living it right now. And how very, very sad for the dream life to go unnoticed while in pursuit of the dream home.

Other changes are in the works, but I’ve got maybe 5 more minutes of quiet, so this will have to suffice for now. Moving on….

9 months (and 1 week) old

My baby Benjamin. Sometimes my heart actually aches when I hold him. Aches in that warm, wonderfully content kind of way. He’s turning into a little boy more and more, and I’m more than a little ashamed of myself for doing such a poor job documenting his babyhood. He’s a doll. He loves, loves, loves to eat. I mean he loves it. He eats a minimum of 7 jars of baby food a day, nurses 4 times a day, and has a snack or two thrown in, too. And as he eats, he oohs and ahhs as if he’s feasting on…I don’t know…Nan Nan’s homemade fudge or something. It’s a hoot. Even if it’s just puffs…pop one in his mouth and just wait for it. Mmmmm….ahhhh…..too funny.

He’s learning to crawl although his primary mode of transportation is rolling. No matter where I sit him down, he’ll roll and roll until he’s at my feet. Yep, looks like this one might just be a mama’s boy, and I’m just fine with that.

He eats well, sleeps well, and travels well. He’s a great baby. Handsome, too.

samsonite

Not too long ago, I could watch an episode of “Super Nanny” and feel a little puffed up. I’d think, my kids certainly don’t behave like that. My kids don’t climb counter tops, pitch fits, or pull down their pants in public. No way. My kids use their manners, listen, and obey. Wow. I must be an awesome mom.

Well, I take it all back.

Sam has taught me more about humility and patience than I ever cared to learn. He’s taught me that, despite your best and most consistent efforts, kids are kids. They make mistakes, and they require careful training and lots and lots of love. Sometimes the mushy kind and sometimes the tough kind.

Sam is a beautiful boy. He’s so smart and funny. He’s got the best sense of comedic timing—it blows me away. He’s sweet, too. He brings me flowers and offers up unsolicited hugs and sugars.

But he has his moments. Right now, I’m chalking it up to his age, but he turns three at the end of the month, so I’m not sure how much longer that particular explanation will hold up. He tends to be a little opinionated and a bit strong-willed, but I know that God can mold those characteristics into powerful tools used to change this world for the better. That’s my prayer. Lord, grow this boy into a godly man who loves you, seeks you, and turns others towards you.

Now, I know you’re not going to believe any of this once you glance down at these pictures. I admit, he’s a charmer, and there’s no resisting that smile of his. You’ve been warned.

But lest we overlook his sweetness, let me just indulge in some of the things I adore about my Sam-man:

• He loves Woody and Buzz. Woody most, but Buzz is a really close second.
• I never have to ask Sam what he wants for breakfast, 'cause I know it's gonna be waffles. Every. Single. Morning.
• Poor thing. He loves yogurt and cheese sticks. He would eat them all day every day if I let him. Not a bad choice, right? I know, but I'm supposed to restrict his dairy. So not fair!
• He calls his baby brother "Benfamin" and his sister "Tate." I love it.
• He calls his super heroes "hoop heroes." Again, I love it.
• He knows just about all of his letters. I think this is a big deal. He's TWO!
• He's convinced that his Pops is terrified of owls (long story...sorry dad!), and he revels in any and every opportunity to frighten Pops with a "Hoo hoo."
• He starts many a sentence with "Actually...." Can't explain why, but it cracks me up.
• Rather than the contraction "won't," Sam prefers "willn't."
• I nearly forgot to include this one which would have been a small tragedy because we think it's so hilarious. Each and every time we pray and give thanks for our food, Sam concludes the prayer with an ever-enthusiastic "HALLELUJAH!" Booming voice, hands in the hair, the whole bit. This kid for sure has COG blood running through his veins.
  
• His favorite movie is Letter Factory. His favorite color is blue. His favorite book is Curious George. His favorite Bible story is Joshua and the battle of Jericho. His favorite girl is me :)

So, despite his occasional fits and frequent mischief, this little boy holds my heart. And he always will.

No. 5

I’m still struggling with Kate turning 5. It’s a little ridiculous, I know. This is what kids do, right? They outgrow their adorable clothes, they lose all of that adorable baby fat, they start throwing aside their adorable toys, they stop making those adorable mistakes in pronunciation (I haven’t heard “Hohohantas” in ages). They grow up. It breaks my heart, but I have to keep reminding myself that, so far, I’ve enjoyed every single phase with Kate. Every single one.

We enjoyed a really beautiful day for her birthday party. I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to be Kate-inspired and memorable. I think we did it! She was happy, so I’m counting it a win.

I love that Kate has an October birthday. October has always been my favorite month of the year—so much so that I sort of kind of planned to have our first baby born in October. We were hoping to really embrace fall with Kate’s birthday, so we had pumpkins for decorating, marshmallows for roasting, and a hayride for, um, riding. It was a fun, exhausting, beautiful day.

You'll have to excuse the order of the pictures. The cake and bike came at the end of the party :)