giving thanks

Eight years ago today, Stephen asked me to be his wife. Oh, how I love this man. He “gets” me and loves me anyway. Can you imagine that? I’m so hugely proud of him…of who he was when I was a messed up 14 year old girl, for who he is now as my husband and Kate, Sam, and Benjamin’s daddy, and for who he is still becoming. It gives me so much joy and comfort to think that I get to grow old with this man.

I’m so thankful for my husband.

Five years ago this past Monday, I was handed a devastating diagnosis—a potentially fatal heart condition that would prohibit future pregnancies. I sat weeping in the back bedroom as the doctor explained everything over the phone. Stephen held me in his arms—the crumpled mess that I was—and then, without warning or time to prepare, we walked into what has been the darkest, scariest time of our lives.

And, yet, I’m so thankful for that diagnosis. I now so clearly see God’s gentle hand in the midst of all that fear. PPCM made clear just what kind of mom I wanted—needed—to be. It caused me to hold my precious baby girl even closer, to memorize the feel of her tiny face pressed against mine and the rise and fall of her chest as she slept in my arms. It taught me the value of cherishing, guarding, and respecting the moment—the here and now that we’ve been given right here and right now. It introduced me to the fighter within me (one tough cookie, if I do say so myself). Above all else, it taught me that God loves me. He purposes everything—even the darkness— for His glory and my good.

Yes, I’m thankful for the darkness.

Three years ago this week, my beautiful Sam was born. The baby who, doctors warned, would cause my heart to grow too much. They were right about that. This sweet boy, prone to tantrums one second and fits of laughter the next, may just cause this heart of mine to burst. He is so precocious, so funny, so sensitive. Samuel is walking, talking, laughing (noisy?) proof of God’s goodness and grace.

I’m thankful for my Samuel who reminds me every day that, yes, “God heard my prayer.”

Today, Benjamin is sprouting four new teeth (four!), Kate is playing with her Barbie dolls, and Sam is scouring the kitchen for a “nack” (snack). I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that Stephen has found a comfy couch and is enjoying a well-deserved, much needed mid-morning nap. We are well. We are happy. We are blessed.

I’m so thankful for my family.