Confessions of a First-Time Mom

During my pregnancy, people would sometimes warn me of how my life would change post-baby. No more nights out on the town (which in our case means a few hours at Starbucks and a quick run to Blockbuster), no more moments to myself, no more carefree Saturdays...
And they were right; my life has changed. But I would gladly give up my caramel machiatos and Friday night rentals for the incredible opportunity to be Kate's mom. I can't describe this overwhelming love I have for her, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway.
You've heard it all before...how the love for your child is instantaneous, how the first look in her eyes gives new meaning and purpose to your life. It's all true. Truer than I could have imagined. But, for me, it's much more than the cliches, despite how true they may be. To be honest, I felt a little awkward when I first met Kate. Despite carrying her for nine months, she was a stranger to me at first, and though I loved her intensely, I didn't really know her. Needless to say, we became fast friends, and my love for her grew more and more overwhelming each day. This I expected. What I didn't expect was for Kate to change my perspective on so many other things. God, for example. My understanding of his love has been made clearer by two things...First, my love for Kate is unconditional. I would throw myself in front of a bus for her, and there is nothing that could diminish my love for her because she is mine. That must be how God loves me. Secondly, Kate is one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. And given all of our recent news, I'm realizing more and more how amazing it is that we have her. So not only does God love me because I belong to him, but he gives me these great big wonderful blessings, too. A line keeps popping into my head from a song in The Sound of Music. It's when Maria and Captain Vontrap finally reveal their love for one another. They gaze into each other's eyes and sing, "Here you are, standing there, loving me, whether or not you should. Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must of done something good." I feel like that sometimes when I look at Kate...I must have done something pretty terrific to deserve her. But I haven't. It's simply God's goodness, and that is stunning.